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"is it a hickey or a bruise?": your guide to hiding hickies!

Hello hello cats and creatures! Are you dreading those warmer months coming up where some questionable (and now exposed) marks on our necks might cause a rift on family vacations, social gatherings, and other important situations where hickey display is unideal? Well, fear not, dear readers. Here is your step-by-step guide to hiding hickies for most scenarios :)

  1. Prevention. No, I don’t mean refrain from this act of affection with your partner(s). However, preceding guidelines for hickey placement can help prevent awkward situations where you're out of turtlenecks and it’s too warm for scarf season. As a general note, below the collarbones is usually a safe bet. Any higher or on the neck (don’t even think about the face, folks) calls for more severe succeeding measures to be taken. Have you already fallen down this rabbit hole? Well, move on to step two. 

  2. Concealing. Controversial opinion: I don’t think a higher neckline can truly conceal a hickey. You may adjust your top and think, “It’s like it never even happened!” Nope. You’ll go about your day and not even realize that, in hunching over your laptop in the library, you’ve just revealed the visible aftermath of last night’s activities. Unless you want to sweat your way through the summer in a turtleneck, I think using makeup to conceal your hickies is a much better idea. Use green eyeshadow to cancel out the red tones. Really pack this on, depending on how dark your hickey is. Then, go in with some concealer or foundation (make sure to blend properly!). Don’t forget to seal the deal with some setting spray! 

  3.  Photoshop. When my partner visited me in absolutely roasting New York and her parents asked for pictures of us, we knew we’d really be in the dog house if we sent a bunch of selfies with hickies on us. So, I had the brilliant idea to use Retouch, a free iPhone app and editing extension, to quickly edit our photos so no such hickies would be noticed. You simply brush over the image parts you want gone and then, like magic, they disappear and blend in with the rest of the photo. 

  4. Hair. Be careful with this one. As I said before with clothes, simply adjusting your appearance doesn’t always do the trick. However, if you’re out of options, let your hair down if it’s long enough to at least shield your hickies. If your hair isn’t long enough, well, womp womp. You’ve got this, soldier. Use one of the other methods here. 

  5. Treatment. Going on holiday and need those pesky hickies to heal faster? You’ve come to the right place. Apply ice (or frozen broccoli, in my case) before using heat and carefully massaging the area. You don’t want to press down too hard and make it worse! Also, please do not try and “whisk” away your hickies. It doesn’t work. What you want to do is increase circulation through massaging it, not increasing the possibility of a bigger bruise. You can then apply some topical cream or lotion.

I hope this was helpful, fantastical fairies. Don’t forget that you don’t need to stop giving hickies to your partner, situationship or person in between no matter how warm the weather gets (but let’s be realistic for Scottish weather). So love bite away and happy (almost)  spring! :) 

Ami x (she/her)


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